Albany Medical Center. Cancer Unit. Surgical Waiting Room. Friday, December 10th – 2:35 p.m.
“Mr. Farr? Is there a Mr. Farr here?”
“I’m Mr. Farr.”
” Your wife is out of surgery. The surgeon is on the phone for you…”
Do you know what you have? Do you really know? Do any of us? Why is it that we take so much for granted? Why is it that we do not hit our knees each day and scream, or sing, or cry out in great exaltation and rejoicing about all the wonderful, priceless, miraculous gifts in our lives? How canwe nurture, grow and maintain a spirit of constant gratitude? And should we? I wish that all of these questions were leading up to some words of wisdom or at least a spiritual practice that I have come across that guarantees people will maintain daily gratitude, but the truth is I don’t know of any. I know of many, many spiritual principles that stress staying positive, I know of beliefs that emphasize gratitude, and that warn about the self fulfilling prophecy that negative “or positive” messages create. But I have not yet run across any belief system, religious tradition, or late night infomercials guaranteed to make you grateful every minute of every day – or your money back!
Last week I talked about believing in channels – in energy that comes from beyond our current ability for explanation. I say “current ability” because I believe that science and spiritual beliefs are coming closer and closer to explanations rather than heading in opposite directions. If you have doubts, spend some time researching the findings of the Hubble Telescope. There is now proof that space is growing, expanding, getting bigger. Beyond that, the Hubble has been able to show the birth and deaths of many planets and new systems in space. If your time or interest is limited, at least allow yourself to Google some of the pictures that the Hubble has sent back from deep space and think about these words that my wife’s deceased Grandfather said to our friend the channel: Tell my wife I can’t wait to show her the fireworks out here – it is so much better than the 4th of July!
Besides channeling, I also believe in miracles. I really do. Miracles doesn’t seem like the right word, though. Divine intervention might be better. Or maybe Karma. I believe that good things will come to good people. I believe this because I have proof “isn’t it always easier to believe something when the proof is right in front of you?” I have many, many examples of the proof, but I will share the latest. Here is how the conversation at the beginning of this blog continued:
“Hello?”
“Brian, this is Dr. P.”
“Hi Dr. P. – how is she?”
“She is O.K. – still under the anesthesia, but doing fine. The tumour is out. It was pretty strait forward, no surprises.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“We removed three lymph nodes and none show signs of cancer.”
“What?”
” We don’t see that the cancer has spread – we think it was confined to the tumour.”
…….
…….
“Brian, are you still there?”
“Yea, yea, I’m still here. Oh my God – that is – that is – Oh My God…”
Dr. P. told me more, but I didn’t hear it just then. Miraculous? Divine intervention? Karma? Simple scientific explanation? Does it really matter? Was I grateful? Oh yes – yes I was grateful. and when my wife, who does not tolerate most over the counter medications, had to be held overnight because she was nauseous and pale as a ghost from the anestesia – I was grateful. And when they wheeled out an ancient, dilapadated, uncomfortable recliner for me to sleep in – I was grateful. And when we looked around the cancer ward, and when we saw the people who had lost their hair, and were frail, and skinny, and in constant pain, and losing the battle inch by inch I was grateful, and humble and filled with relief. And I still am today.
But what will happen next week? Or next month? What will happen when the Christmas bills come in, and I realize again that we went way over budget? What will happen when that knucklehead at work makes another comment about how bad this job is and I want to enlighten him or her with an attitude of gratitude by cramming some positive energy down their throats? How will I feel and react when the next argument comes, or when my feelings get hurt, or when someone says or does something hurtful to someone I love? What will happen when the dark clouds again form, and things become unfair? And does my reaction in those times really matter? Should the goal really be complete serenity, surrender, and satisfaction 24/7?
Maybe. And maybe not. As my family was going through the past through weeks, there was one biblical passage that I allowed myself to focus on, and one that I kept kicking to the curb. The passage I allowed entrance to was from the Old Testament: Ephesian 3:20: “God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” I like that quote. It was the philosophy of the last church we attended with any regularity. And the story of that church bears witness to the truth of the statement. I continue to encourage people who have fallen out of belief in churches to go there to get back on track, and if you want more info. about the place, please email me.
The passage that I did not want to approach, but that has been lately playing over and over in my mind comes from the story of Jesus in the garden of Gethsamene. We are told that Jesus is afraid. And unhappy. And alone. Imagine for a minute that you, above all other people have access to the miraculous powers that I have been focusing on. You are able to do anything. Untouchable. Unstoppable. Now imagine knowing that in less than a day you will die an excrutiating, humiliating, and horrible deathat the hands of people who have claimed to be both your best friends and your sworn enemies. But you know someone who can stop it. In fact, that person is your parent. Let that sink in for a minute. Now think about what you would say. We are told that Jesus says the following: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.” Now can you see why I chose the first passage? Jesus asks for help. He asks for his miracle, his Divine intervention – he wants to cash in on the Karma he has created over the course of his life. Makes sense to me! But then he adds this other part – the part about accepting the ordeal if it is what God wants from him. What is that about? Why? Or, to coin a newer, yet effective popular phrase: REALLY?
Miracles happen. And sometimes they don’t. And sometimes they happen and we forget them. And sometimes they happen and we explain them away. And sometimes we don’t even recognize them. This is the season, more than any other, to believe and experience, and even to play a part in miracles. I hope that you do. As I said earlier on, I don’t have explanations, or advice, or even a roadmapto give you that will guide you to constant contentment and gratitude with your life. If I did, I probably would not be writing, and talking, and seeking a better understanding of this life – I wouldn’t need to! But I do know this – we need help from others, and we need to help others. We also need to give thanks for what we have. We need to wait sometimes. And we need to think sometimes. And, in the end, maybe we do need to remember that lesson from the garden of Gesthamene. It seems really confusing, and scary, and, most of all – important. This time the miracle happened for my family. And I’m giving all the credit to God. Now I think I’ll go look at the stars and shout out my thanks in joyous exaltation…
I am embarrassed to admit that I woke up in a crummy mood. My head was swirling with items that needed to go on my “to do” list, always more extensive and overwhelming during this time of year. I came downstairs to find the family room with the usual array of backpacks,books, shoes, toys, etc. scattered about rather than put in their place. I moaned, griped, whined and complained to anyone who would listen (mostly just my dog.) I turned on the computer to begin typing out my extensive “to do” list, and decided to check my e-mail first. What was I thinking? This is going to be a great day! So so happy to hear this wonderful news. Christmas came early to the Farr family!
Brian,
I can not express my joy for you and your family. You have said so much in your blog that I agree with. I think there are miracles in our lives everyday, most of them are given to those who believe.
God Bless and Merry Christmas