Do you know anyone who could use therapy? A better question might be do you know anyone who could not use some therapy? I worked with a psychiatrist in the past “who since has retired, sold everything, and moved to Mexico,” who used to say:
“If you meet someone without a personality disorder, they most likely have no personality.”
I like that saying, and I think it is true. If not, it at least makes me feel better about my own personality disorders, and in the end, isn’t that what all therapy should do – make us feel better?
Therapy is good. And it helps. At least, if you allow it to help. And I believe that the stigma around going for therapy has changed – there is no longer a taboo about people who seek out help, or change, or an impartial third party to talk to. In my experience, women are much better at doing this, but they refer to their therapy as “talking with friends.” Men – not so much. We seem to struggle more as a gender with getting past the superficial and talking about the real issues in our lives. For this reason, we need to work a little harder at seeking out help and advice on life. For me, this all started through the car radio.
I was reminded recently of a New Year’ s Resolution I made “and kept, amazingly,” about 5 years ago. The resolution was that whenever I was in my car, alone, I would only listen to what I categorized as “Christian Talk Radio.” The shows I listened to may have in fact been from a different religious persuasion, but the point was that I would use my time alone in my car to seek guidance and to grow spiritually. Think of it as spiritual Russian Roulette – I would turn on one of these pre set stations on my radio and assume that message was meant just for me. Remember – I kept this resolution – and I did it for a whole year. But I found out early on in my experiment, that on some days I simply had to turn off the radio and seek spiritual guidance in silence. I should mention that I did not have satellite radio, and that my option of shows was quite limited. On the days that I chose silence, the message being related provided more irritation than enlightenment. There were, and are, some messages from religious leaders, sects, and apparently talk show radio guests that I wholeheartedly and unabashedly disagree with. When these messages came on, I tuned out and turned off.
On some days I heard wonderful messages – messages of hope, and acts of kindness and redemption that literally gave me “God Bumps”. On other days, I found myself really connecting and relating to a message. And the biggest shocker for me was how often I would laugh. I had not expected to be humored during this endeavor, but certain speakers had a wonderful way of “keeping it real,” and I found myself laughing out loud at some of the material.
The silences were tough at first. I have found that my brain really needs a tether, or a leash, preferably with a choke chain on the end to keep it focused on anything for even the minutest amount of time. Add to this the fact that I was driving, and the distraction level became amusing in and of itself. So at first, I simply tried to leash my brain by tracking where it was going from moment to moment. I would usually start this process off by thinking
“O.K. Nothing good on the radio, so I’ll work on some prayer and conscious contact with God. Hello God. Thank you. Thanks. A lot. For everything. Well, almost everything. I mean some things don’t seem fair. Not for me, I’m fine. I mean, I’m pretty happy, but some people really get the shaft in life. Like people who just struggle their whole lives because of something that they had nothing to do with. Like where they were born. I wonder what would happen if I was born in another country? Would any of the stuff that’s important to me now be important in that country? In that other life? I mean, maybe my concerns would be greater if I was in a third world country. Hey, there’s the Dollar Store coming up – didn’t I want something from the Dollar Store? What was it? I wonder if they have Dollar Stores in Third World Countries? I wonder if one Dollar seems like a lot of money anywhere. I wonder if they have Fast Food with Dollar Menus. I’m kind of hungry now – where is the nearest McDonalds? A cheeseburger would be great right now.”
The biggest progress I made came in simply recognizing the ridiculous routes and off roads my mind would make if I did not continually corral it back to a certain subject. But I believe that progress was made that year. I know that I felt a better spiritual connection, and I also allowed myself to “take what I needed, and leave the rest,” when it came to those controversial subjects that I was not willing or wanting to change my opinions on.
Did I mention how long ago this was? A long time. After the experiment was over, I unknowingly transitioned my time on the road to less spiritually productive habits. I had not listened to music radio for over a year, so I continued to stay away from that, instead I started getting C.D.’s from the library. Many of these were books about various self help principles that had been suggested to me. I listened to some all the way through, and I stopped some after the first few tracks. I found that many of these books were full of great information – but as I have mentioned in previous posts, much of it was redundant – cleverly plagiarized theories that add a “step” or a “twist” to advice that has been around for years. And some of the books were down right boring – causing my brain to pull violently on it’s leash and choker. So, overall, I was not really gaining much spiritual ground and I was all too eager to change my car time habits. Before too long, the Fiction Section of the library tempted me in with promises of education, fun, and fulfillment. I rationalized needing to listen to some new fictional books so that I could relate to my young students. I wanted them to like me. And before I knew it I was flying around with Harry Potter or running from vicious werewolves with Edward and Bella while on my travels. And I enjoyed these stories. They were entertaining, sometimes funny, and they did, indeed, give me some common ground with my students. But things were not the same. I was following my wayward brain in all kinds of directions.
I floundered on at the library between the self help section, biographies of famous and world changing people, and the young adult top ten fiction section. This is far too much background to paint the necessary scenery for a current revelation I had, but what is done is done. So here is my most current revelation about seeking cheap therapy and spiritual connectedness:
I was in my car a few weeks ago searching for a station on the “regular radio” because I was between fictional books on tape. “We now have satellite radio, but it is the transportable type and it was in another car.” With all the stations available through satellite, I have found only one that I consistently like: The Comedy Station. Anyhow, the radio stopped its search function on a Christian Talk Show that I always enjoyed. And I listened. And it was meaningful, and relevant, and it made me laugh. So now I saved that channel as a favorite, and I have listened to it a few times since. Something else happened which reminded me that therapy comes in many forms. We moved our rather large CD collection at the house, and while doing so I found some old mixed music that I had made years ago. I brought one of the mixes into the car and turned it on. Within minutes I had regressed into the steering wheel pounding, head banging, loud singing self of my youth – age 16 – after first getting my license and plugging my favorite cassette into the family roadster. I only realized how animated I had become when a woman with her children who was stopped in a mini van next to me at a red light looked over at me in what appeared to be shock and disgust as I shook violently back and forth and screamed the words to Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog.” It had, indeed, been a long time since I rock and rolled…
I felt better after this first musical regression session or what I understand is now called “getting my groove on,” and it reminded me that not all therapy has to be dry, boring, or traditional. After my initial “session,” I went to the computer and made a few more CD’s with all my favorite music on them. And when I am in my car I listen to them. Loud. And I sing. And sometimes my wife and kids are with me, and we all listen to the music. Loud. And they sing, too. And as far as I can tell, we all feel better after when the music finally stops.
This week, I hope you all get your groove on. Bust out some of your old favorites and turn them up loud in your car. Consider using your car time to work on spiritual growth. Turn off the cell phone. Stop racing to your destinations. Check out some of the spiritual talk programs. Or turn it all off and track your brain’s thoughts. Whatever you chose, I hope that you enjoy the ride – and party on…
Tom and I listen to Songs of the 60’s, and we sing alone. Frequently this turns into a discussion time of what was happening in our lives when we first heard that song, or we talk about how innocent the songs seem today. I guess that’s a form of therapy too.
“Music is the shorthand of emotions”- Leo Tolstoy
I believe in the magic of music to uplift the spirit,stimulate the mind, and connect to a shared experience. The magic of music to help you transcend yourself is not unlike deep prayer or meditation…and it’s fun! How cool is that!