Another Easter season has come and gone and my family and I are not attending any church services with regularity. This disturbs me to some extent. It had been a goal of mine this year to find a place of organized religion that I felt comfortable with and to begin attending services as a family. That goal has been purposely procrastinated but lately I have felt the urge to scout out some possible prospects.
The most frequent problems I have found with places of organized religion is that they tend to be so organized – and religious. And apparently my wife and I are not, because each time we make an effort to become part of one of these establishments, an uncomfortable silence besets us as we leave a service or a gathering of the congregation and realize, in that moment, that once again we do not belong there. This happened a few years a when we were part of a really exciting, dynamic, and quickly growing church. This place described itself as “ a church for people who don’t like church,” and it seemed true for a long while. The services involved great music, lots of special effects, high energy, and consistent, relevant messages about how to bring Biblical principles into our everyday lives. The kids liked to go as well. They also were involved in interactive lessons about the Bible and living a life of religious principles. As I mentioned, the church was growing at a very fast rate, and my family actually helped when a new location was opened, with more seating, a bigger stage for the band, and room for a “gift shop” in the entranceway. At about this time, I had some questions about the finances of the church. Not to be nosy or because I wanted to control the money, but just because we, the congregation, had been told that the new site of the church would be built from scratch in a field that had been purchased by our money about a year earlier – and now we were opening a site in a building farther away from my home. The designated church field was empty. So I asked to speak to the pastor. I was only allowed an audience with his assistant instead. The assistant set out to teach me about how the church was organized – he said the pastor was at the top, and that there was a governing body below the pastor to look over financial decisions and where our hard earned tithing would go. This sounded like a good system of checks and balances to me, until I asked how the financial “watchdogs” were chosen. The assistant informed me that the pastor recruited them. There was an awkward silence at this moment, and if I remember correctly the assistant stared directly at me, never blinking. I then asked who was in charge of the governing body below the pastor, and the man informed me, never cracking a smile, that the pastor was in charge – of the governing body – that he chose – to make sure that he did not swindle the people. This was the organization of the church.
The religious part of this discussion then came into play when I went a step farther with the assistant and, as tactfully as I could, pointed out to the man that the pastor had in fact bought a new home recently, and had also ridden his new top of the line lawn tractor into church during last week’s sermon on cutting out the weeds in your spiritual lawn “or something like that.” I think I asked if the pastor planned to mow the field where I thought our church was going with his new tractor, or if he planned to conduct services in his new house for the congregation, but I cannot be sure – as I mentioned, I was trying to be tactful. I do know that at about this time the assistant became quite flustered and reminded me that the pastor was in his pastoral position because that is where God wanted him to be, and that if I had issues of trust, I could either bring them up directly with the pastor or leave the church. It was my turn to remind this man that I had hoped to be speaking with the pastor at this very moment, but that apparently “Nobody gets in to see the wizard – not nobody, not no how!” I think my reference to the Wizard of Oz line may have been lost on this poor, befuddled man, but I may just have planted some seeds of thought in his head with my questions. He left the church shortly after – and so did we. That was about three years ago – I drive by the field occasionally – it is vacant and could stand a good mowing.
But we tried again – this time in a completely different church with a whole new set of beliefs and a much smaller congregation albeit a far less impressive band. And things were going along just fine. There were some sermons that I had to “filter” a bit, reminding myself and our kids that even though this church believed those things, we did not necessarily, and that in fact the man saying those things did not talk directly to God or Jesus before giving us his opinions on what was said or written in the Bible. But I was used to this – this was how I had built up my potpourri of religious ideas from the church I grew up in – learning from a very early age that just about any question one was asked about the behavior of Jesus could be answered with “because He loved us!” Why was Jesus born in a manger? “Because He loved us!’ Why did Jesus die on the cross? “Because He loved us!” Why is Jesus going to come back and take us all to Heaven, except for the unlucky, awful sinners that He will strike down with fierce vengeance? “Because He loves us – well, most of us!”
So we tolerated the messages that we did not find particularly palatable, or that we felt were completely wrong, because we were, after all, getting a church experience out of it. But we then left that church after our 7 year old daughter told us that the middle aged man leading the song during their church school service sang a few choruses about the bra and underpants of a female high school student in the room. We called the church about that incident, and were told that the man – who was also a teacher of special education students in various public schools and who was solely in charge of the “adolescent group” at the church “which included a recent sleepover night” would not be working solo for much longer and that they were trying to find him a helper. But it was really hard to find someone else to do it. Really – that is what they said. It is important to note here that the man, whom I had spoken to on several occasions before, was a hardworking, dedicated member of the church and was also married and had several children of his own. He was the first to denounce the sinful nature of the modern world, and prided himself in the things he conscientiously denied his family in the name of Holy living “i.e. cable television and computer access”. And maybe he did lead a wholly, Holy life – but singing about a young female’s undergarments at any time, let alone during church school is really, really inappropriate and just messed up.
Which brings me to my current spiritual situation. My Higher Power seems to keep placing really messed up situations and messed up people into my life and the lives of those around me. “Messed up” is an understatement, in fact, but always I try to keep in mind that there are people, many people in fact, with whom I would never switch out my problems or challenges – because theirs are much worse in comparison. But I can’t help occasionally not to ask the question of why we are given these things to deal with; exactly how much longer these messed up things will last; and what, exactly, we are meant to do with these bad experiences. I know people who go through terrible ordeals and as a result become spokespeople and advocates about changing the issues and policies that hurt them. That seems commendable and I imagine it empowers these people to heal somewhat from the wounds of their injustice and to prevent others from going through the same thing in the future. I would love to swoop up my bride, brandish my sword of justice, mount my trusty steed of righteousness, and go out for some good, old fashioned burning and smiting and ridding the world of the greed, sloth, ignorance, and pride that have been responsible for our current pain. My biggest hesitations are that our children might notice our absence, especially when the food runs out and their laundry piles up. The house and yard would also suffer without continuous attendance, and I assume that the mortgage company might eventually begin to question why our monthly payments are in the rears. The type of smiting I am suggesting to do the job properly takes time. And energy. And it also requires reliving the events that one might rather forget and move on from over, and over, and over again.
So I would much rather give the messed up situations, people, and the overall need for change in these areas to God. Being all powerful, I imagine it wouldn’t take Him long at all to sort these things out. I mean, really – if he can’t shake up the people who need it and change these painful, unfair, rotten circumstances – who can? And is it too much to ask to find an organized, religious group of people who think and act exactly like me and my wife on these topics? I will know we are in the right church when they close a service with this prayer:
“God, thank you for the blessings in my life. Now please take out all of the Bozos out there and change all the things that really suck in this world – Amen.”
We did make it to church on Easter this year. It was the church in a small Adirondack town that I grew up attending, but had not been into for years. The latest priest reminded me more of a character from “The Andy Griffith Show” than an “official Holy Man”. He is not only in charge of two churches in the area, but he’s also a volunteer fireman in the community, and it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if he also ran two or three other businesses nearby. “Need some new tires for the jalopy, Floyd? Just wait until the service is over and the preacher will get his robes off and open up the shop for you…” A good man. Hardworking, sincere, and not one to waste a long time with a short but poignant message in his sermons. He did not use my prayer during the Easter Mass, but he did remind the congregants of a fact that my wife and I needed to hear. He told us that God keeps His promises. And He doesn’t always do it to our liking, or our schedule, or to the script that we might helpfully write and provide to Him. But He will keep His promises if we are patient, and truly trust and keep our faith strong.
It was worth our trouble and the trip for this reminder, and I’ve half a mind to drive back and sit awhile and hear him speak again come next Sunday. Hopefully these words were worth your time as well, and I wish you all patience, trust, and faith in your walk through this life…
I’ve never felt comfortable in church. For the reasons you mention and more. I believe in God. I pray every day. I try to be grateful. I try to share my blessings. I see too many people go to church on Sunday and go to hell on Monday. Ghandi said, “I like your Christ. I do not care for your christians, they are not at all like your Christ.” People who preach about not judging seem to be the most judgmental. I believe in the message, just not in the people who carry it. I look forward to your weekly posts. Thanks, Brian.
Hi Mark. I had not heard the qoute from Ghandi, but I like it! I guess it all comes down to walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Thanks for the post – hope all is well.
Organized Religion…..I can’t stand the hypocrisy…..Also, some of these “new” churches have pastors that come off greasy and shady…..con-like, grifters. Trust me when I say, I know greasy and shady when I see it.
Love this, Brian. I have felt so much of the same for so many years. MY HP seems not to like religion, but to live and teach spirituality.
Hector – I have a great picture of us together after recieving our First Communion. I always thought it would be great to show in a montage of us as kids after we were sent to prison for a life of crime – just like in the movie “The Falcon and the Snowman”. By the way – I get to be “Falcon”.
Amen to that, Carol!
thanx
Bob – you’re welcome. Now you need to remind me about patience and faith the next time…
I often feel Jesus would leave shaking his head if he came to most church services today. He lived such a simple life with basic messages. I do feel people coming together to support each other in good times and bad has great value. The problem is human personalities can get too puffed up at times. The gospel messages give us direction and reminders of the important messages Christ came on earth to teach us. It’s a pleasure when a “man of God” can actually deliver it and we hear it. Then we need to live the life we have the best way we can.
Well said, Mom!
Please don’t go off smiting we would miss you too much-XXOO
Suzanne – Not without you, my warrior queen!