I’ve been thinking about the musical Hamilton alot lately. A refrain from the song “The Schuyler Sisters” keeps running through my head. Throughout the show, Peggy, Angelica, and Eliza (the sisters) repeat the chorus “look around, look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now.” The irony in this statement is that the setting for Hamilton is the Revolutionary War – indisputably one of the most tumultuous, bloody, and fear-filled times in American History. Besides the national chaos and unpredictability of a fledgling country struggling to be free, Hamilton is also filled with personal trials, losses, and tremendous pain. Yet through it all, the audience is reminded to remain grateful for being alive at such a point in time.
Stories like Hamilton remind me that gratitude is an attitude. 28 years ago, I was quite surprised to discover it’s an essential ingredient to living a life in recovery from addictive substances and behaviors. I thought being sober would be more about using willpower, inner strength, and giving up all hopes of having what I considered to be fun at the time. But A.A. Oldtimers repeatedly reminded me “A grateful person won’t drink, so you’d better find something to be grateful for every single day.”
I used to believe that optimistic people were just born that way or had lived lives free from worry, stress and conflict. I also found them a bit annoying. My generation was fed a steady diet of sarcasm, cynicism, and general wise-ass tendencies that instantly made me suspicious of anyone who seemed genuinely happy and content. But since getting sober, I’ve discovered that being consistently grateful isn’t that difficult. Not really. It’s a habit, and like any other habit, it requires focus, effort, and persistence. For me, a good place to start was beginning every day by saying “Today I am grateful for __,” and ending each day with “Thank you for ____today.” That was it. It took less than a minute.
28 years into Recovery, my gratitude has become internalized. I’m able to default to an attitude of gratitude regardless of the pesky and horrifying atrocities this life delivers. During my sobriety, I’ve been challenged with life situations far beyond any I experienced during my years of active addiction. Another wise Old Timer often reminded me that “ There are no real reasons to drink. There are only excuses.” In my pre-Recovery days, anything from a fight with my girlfriend to a stranger looking at me the wrong way would send me running to the nearest bar. But not anymore. And that’s not meant as a personal flex. It’s a testament to the power of gratitude. I’ve also been lucky enough to meet and befriend amazing souls with trials and losses and trauma far greater than any I’ve known in my lifetime who exemplify gratitude. Folks who possess very few material items but will be the first to share what they have. They hold virtually no political or social power in our world but are the first ones to check on a stranger in the street who needs help while countless others walk by. These souls are the keepers of an immense spiritual power because they choose to look around each day and recognize how lucky they are to be alive right now.
Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. To me, it encapsulates the spirit of coming together, giving thanks, and breaking bread. There are no gifts to buy, no candy to give out, no colored eggs to search for and no roses or diamonds to be delivered to signify undying love. It’s a day of gathering and expressing gratitude. And no – it doesn’t really matter if the turkey comes out too dry or the mashed potatoes too lumpy.
I’m trying to get back to a daily practice of simple gratitude for simple things. This doesn’t mean that I’m unaware or in denial about all of the events around me that I find shockingly unacceptable, reprehensible, hypocritical, and most important extremely frightening. But another foundation of my Recovery and peace of mind is recognizing what things I can control in life and what things I cannot. And I can control my degree of gratitude each moment of each day.
I wish a peaceful, happy, and joy-filled Thanksgiving to everyone. If this is a tough time of year for you, you’re not alone. Folks in Recovery can find Alcathons in your community where food is served throughout the day and all are welcome at no charge. Other places offer opportunities for volunteers to deliver meals to people who need them or to lend a hand at soup kitchens. Whatever you choose to do this year, I hope that it will involve avoiding isolation, staying open to the love that is so prevalent in so many people in our world, and finding gratitude for the miracle that we’re lucky enough to be alive right now.
Beautiful!
Thank you, Brian
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!