We have been having some fun at my house recently by watching some of the iconic movies from the past with my kids. They are at the age now where they understand many of the deeper meanings in these films, and it is also interesting to see just how far film-making, technology, and the basics of human living in our country has come in what seems like a few short years. A great example of this is the film “War Games”. I remember seeing that movie as a teenager and thinking “Wow! Those computers and the technology in that film is amazing – how can that kid “Matthew Broderick” actually have a phone AND a computer in his room! It is laughable to see how far above and beyond the scope of that film we have come, and it is also interesting for our kids to see just how much the world has changed.
Another movie we watched together recently is “Castaway” with Tom Hanks. There certainly is less technology in this story, although Hanks is tied to his job with Fed Ex via a beeper, and I remember those things being pretty impressive at the time they were invented as well. But I had forgotten much of the story of this film – or maybe it was the message (s) that I had forgotten. The first thing to come to mind whenever the film was mentioned was Hank’s costar – that lovable volleyball Wilson. But there is much more to the story, at least I took more from it this time around.
I was on an interview recently for a position working with children who have been identified as Gifted and Talented. I have done this work in the past, and I love it. One of the questions that was asked of me at the interview was how to initially ”identify” the students that would enter the program. This was a great question, and one I have not thought about in awhile. During my frequent rants and lamentations about our educational system, I sometimes include the current practice of “teaching to the test” as an issue which troubles me. I have never believed in judging any person’s true skills or knowledge on the basis of one test. There just seem to be too many outside factors to consider. What if, on that particular day, the person “whether a student or adult,” had some very troubling information in the morning, had a horrible night’s sleep, or got into a fight with someone on the way to the test? Or what if this person simply is not very good at taking tests? What if the idea of taking tests makes the person highly nervous, or anxious? I know that I would always get nervous before big tests – in fact I still do. So, for me, using a test – any test – as an accurate measure of intelligence seems fruitless.
I heard or read somewhere that a more accurate measure of intelligence is the ability to adapt to one’s environment. I like this idea. Because our environment is constantly changing, and the ability to “role with it,” or better yet to survive and thrive in this climate of change seems to be an important, if not vital, life skill. Tom Hank’s character is put to this test in the movie. He needs to survive in a completely foreign environment. I will not ruin how he does this for those of you that have not seen the film, but suffice it to say that he comes up with some very clever ways to handle issues of food, shelter, clothing, isolation, and what appear to be his weakest skills when landing on the island – patience and powerlessness.
I think patience is a dying virtue for the “Now Generation” and for our society in general. The times and instances when we are required to wait for things have decreased greatly in the last few years. I have felt my own “fuse” for waiting shorten as I stare at a computer screen that is taking too long to “upload,” or when I go to the store and there are more than three people in the checkout line. I don’t like to wait. I often view it as uncomfortable and unproductive. I like to explore my options, to see how I might get the task done quicker without “wasting” all this time. What good can possibly come from waiting? It is interesting that most of the self help literature that I believe hold wisdom and truth about life promote patience. The Bible thinks it is a pretty good idea. Both Old Testament and New Testament stories talk of people who are told by God to wait – often for a long time – years in fact – before they receive the blessing, or the miracle, or the freedom from persecution that they asked for. Moses was given a promise – a direct promise – from God. And then he waited and waited and waited in a desert for it to come true. For years and decades he waited in faith. I can’t remember the last time I waited anywhere close to that long for anything, even if it came by snail mail! Other cultures from our past tell similar stories or have parallel customs of people going out into the wild, alone, for a period of time to gain insight or as a right of passage into adulthood. These stories and rites all involve patience, survival skills, and a degree of powerlessness.
Which brings me to the second vanishing quality in our society: powerlessness. Nothing can cause our egos to flinch more, or our collective human fear to go higher than the realization that we are powerless over something. In the words of that highly revered philosopher Scooby Doo, it makes us say “Zoinks!” Upon entering the world of recovery and the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had the same reaction. The creators of A.A. pulled no punches when it came to this idea – in fact, they included it in step #1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable.” For a long, long, time in my recovery, I took issue with these words and with the concept in general. I did not feel “powerless” over my drinking. I believed that I had the power to make decisions, and to control myself, and to act in a more responsible way when it came to drinking. And, in fact, I was correct on all counts. The only problem with my logic was when I added alcohol – ANY ALCOHOL – to the equation. Many people have asked me over the years what the definition of an alcoholic is. That is a good question. My true belief is that most people who struggle with alcohol abuse or dependence are aware of it at some level long before they take any steps to stop. But in terms of a definition, I have always liked this one: “An alcoholic is someone who can not predict with certainty on any and all occasions that they will control and/or moderate their drinking.” I do not offer this as the medical, or the Webster definition, or even as the A.A. standard for an alcoholic – it is just the one that I most believe in. I like it because there is the potential to remove the words “alcoholic” and “drinking”, and to substitute any addictive substance or behavior. The issue is always one of control, choices, and powerlessness once the substance or behavior enters the scene. I was told over and over again in A.A. and by other advisors in my life that there is a difference, a big difference in fact, between being powerless and being helpless. It finally sunk in. I think I get it now. It comes down to recognizing those things over which I have no control, over which I am indeed powerless “i.e. the weather,” and deciding how I will behave, or the choices I will make given these other factors “i.e. staying inside, or packing an umbrella.” Weather Conditions = powerless. Not Helpless = flexibility and choice of responses within any situation. When it comes to alcoholism or any other addiction, nobody is helpless to make the decisions and to take the pre-emptive actions that will keep them away from the obsessions, compulsions, and complete power of the addiction.
So back to the island with Tom Hanks. Before becoming stranded, we are shown a man who was controlled by schedules, and work, and the logic of a system he had complete faith in. He makes many comments about “conquering time” and making sure that his job, and in fact his life, are devoted to unending productivity in the safe and logical schema of his existence. And then everything changes. The proverbial rug is yanked out from under him and he winds up in an alternate reality which is the polar opposite of all he has known and created in his life. Enter his true test of endurance, and intelligence, and patience, and powerlessness. These are the true tests for Tom in the story, and the ones that I think more and more people today are facing. Maybe it is just my age. Perhaps at 40 years old and beyond, we all start to talk to friends who seem to be recognizing that the goals and fulfillment they believed in and worked for so long to create are really just houses of cards, which topple over with the slightest wind. It may be simply a recognition at my age of the ridiculous rat race to which we have all been running to some extent, and the relatively small pieces of cheese we have attained while running. Or maybe it really is a fairly new problem – a problem of utter unhappiness in the midst of so much prosperity and wealth and riches beyond our comprehension. I really doubt that it is a new phenomenon, I lean more towards the idea that we, as a society, have gotten once again to a place where the moral compass is not just slightly askew, but it is being pulled in all the wrong directions for many people by the strong human magnetic forces of greed, gluttony, and pride. I say that we are in this place “again,” because it is not the first time in human history that man has upset the natural direction of the moral compass. For an interesting history lesson, and to see how the story ended last time, try “Googling” the rise and fall of the Roman Empire, and take note of all the similarities you find.
Tom was ruled by what he thought was a safe and predictable logic before he found himself on the island. Once there, he was forced to question all of his beliefs and to figure out a new set of life values – a new way to live. As I watched the movie again, I was impressed with the lack of dialog, the absence of long speeches about how he does survive and what he does learn from his experience as a castaway. The only time it is mentioned at all is in a short conversation with his friend. Here is the conversation:
“We both had done the math and Kelly added it all up. She knew she had to let me go. I added it up, knew that I’d lost her. Cause I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone.
I mean I was gonna get sick or I was gonna get injured or something. The only choice I had the only thing I could control was when and how and where that was gonna happen. So I made a rope and I went up to summit to hang myself. But I had to test it, you know ?
Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree. So I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing. And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive.
Somehow. I had to keep breathing, even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that’s what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And then one day that logic was proven all wrong, because the tide lifted, came in, and gave me a sail.
And now, here I am. I’m back. And I know what I have to do now. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”
I challenge you all to put your current life logic to the test. Are the things you believe about yourself and this brief time on earth keeping you stuck in patterns of fear, unhappiness, or the eternal search for material fulfillment? If so, I hope that you will invite new hope, new opportunities, and new compass settings into your life. It may be easier than you think. Start with a higher perception, recognition, and acceptance of those things over which you are powerless, and those things over which you might feel helpless. Once you have differentiated between the two, watch the tides closely and have faith – be ready for what might come – and don’t forget to breathe…
Leave a Reply