Fear is a funny thing. Recently my wife rallied up the courage to enter a school board meeting held inside the same school building in which she was sexually assaulted one year ago. She was there to overcome her fear of the student who assaulted her, her fear of the building in which it happened, and of her fear to speak up and inform others of the truth. She was also there to ask the superintendent and school board one simple question: “What have you done to make sure this won’t happen again?”
Since that night, we have received an outpouring of support, concern, questions, and information from people in the community. Most are people I know, and care for, and respect deeply. You see, I grew up in the town where this happened. I am an alumni of the school, and I also worked there for several years. I hold the town, the people, and the school very dear in my heart.
In discussions with my old friends, neighbors, and classmates I found out that the student did in fact have a documented history of outbursts, odd behavior, and sexual harassment against other students in the school before the assault on my wife took place. These things were known by the superintendent and by various teachers within the district. They were also known by the guardians of this student. We learned of other things that were just as disturbing, but were never written down or followed up on. Things that seemed “off” or “not right,” but were allowed to go under the radar, possibly because the people who were involved with the incidents thought someone else would or should deal with the problem.
Or maybe what kept people silent was fear. And I can understand that. My wife and I have been fearful since the sexual assault took place. Fearful of the student. Fearful it would happen to someone else. Fearful to speak up about the guardians of the student and about the school officials who said nothing and did little. In hindsight, I can’t explain the roots of this fear. But I do know it kept us frozen, and silent, and scared. It was only recently, when we learned about some of the other red flags and incidents that had happened with this student and been ignored or dismissed by his guardians and the school that we decided to break the silence, face the fear, and ask for some accountability and safe guards for the future.
On January 11, 2013, the school posted a new and updated policy on discipline procedures, including those that apply to students in special education classes and have been diagnosed with mental health issues. That was interesting timing, and I will choose to think that my wife’s brave words and actions caused others within the community to ask questions, and to demand answers and policy changes to keep themselves, their families, and the students and staff of the school safer. More recently, we were contacted by a reporter from a local newspaper who had heard that my wife spoke up at the last school board meeting and wanted more details. Obviously, people have been talking, and the courage she showed is becoming contagious. After a year of feeling alone, unheard, and scared, this will have to do. My family is moving on – we have told the truth, and shared the danger, and are working past the fear and the tremendous damage this has done to my wife and family over the last 12 months.
As I said before, fear is a funny thing. It can paralyze people and keep them from moving forward. It can keep them silent. It can make people easy to control. But fear can also be a motivator and a strong catalyst for change – for asking questions and demanding answers – for justice. Fear is a powerful force in testing the true measure of your convictions, and your strength, and your beliefs about yourself and the world around you.
Not everyone wants to hear the truth, and some people would rather keep others afraid, alone, and silenced. I’ll leave you with this response to my last blog as a fine example of this type of bullying. I have no other comments on it because I believe the ignorance and cowardice will be self-evident to anyone I would hold any account or respect for. The person who wrote it hid their identity and did not leave any contact information. I invite anyone who is truly concerned about the assault that took place, or the true responses to it over the last year to contact me and we can talk in more detail, but I’ll tell you in advance that I will not post anymore cowardly, ignorant, anonymous messages on my website…
I find this deplorable blog offensive to the named school district and to all who
support it.
Have you ever heard of DUE PROCESS? Do you REALLY know anything about education law?
It is obvious that your comments here are driven by emotion. I am so sorry for
whatever your wife experienced. She now understands that our educators put
themselves in unique circumstances everyday to give our students what the law
requires: A Free and Appropriate Education in the Least Restrictive Environment. If
you do not like the laws, lobby Albany and the US Government to change them.
It is HIGHLY inappropriate to vent your family’s frustration at a specific school
district that is bound by the laws. In doing so, you take aim at a wonderful, caring
community of students, educators, board members and parents. That is just wrong.
Also – the word, “ASSAULT” can take on so many meanings. I am sure that your readers
are curious to learn what REALLY happened, rather than the gruesome picture that you
are painting. So many people (including me) reading this pathetic diatribe do not
REALLY know what happened due to confidentiality.
When one works with students, one must understand how to interact appropriately with
them. It is a huge responsibility for which we should all thank our educators
everyday. Perhaps that is why your wife only substitutes?
I find this blog to be offensive, and worst of all, misinformed and misleading the
public.
I am sorry that your family is enduring such hardship and that afraid of your
surroundings even near your home. Perhaps it is time to relocate to what you believe
is a safer place?
I hope that you will consider taking the blog down and replacing it with some
positive action that the public can take to change the laws or whatever you deem
HELPFUL to the community, rather than harmful. This blog serves no purpose at this
time other than to offend parties involved. Was that your intention? I would
certainly hope not. If it is, you should be ashamed of yourself.
I for one am thankful that this situation was brought to my attention, and the person who wrote this reply should be ashamed!!! This lady was assulted by an aggressive child/young adult. I also know some other families this “child” put into fear for their child’s safety! This lady did not ask to be treated like this nor do teachers have to or should put up with this!!! Just because you work with children does not give the children the right to abuse anyone!!!! You are pathetic quite frankly!!! If I were the author and wife of this blog I would contact NYS special ed, because it is not acceptable that this child abuses ANYONE!!!! And shame on the parents for making excuses, I am assuming that you are a parent of this child because I cannot believe anyone else would say these things. Would you like the lady to go into detail of what he did to her? really! Grow up and be a RESPONSIBLE PARENT before someone gets seriously hurt!!!
Jennifer – Thanks for your thoughts. I encourage ANYONE who has had negative experiences with this student “or any” to write the school and school board. There needs to be a paper trail, because our experience has shown us that the people in charge will deny anything that was not written down! The school has said they can do nothing because of laws, but that is not quite true. When a case is made that any student is a danger to themselves or others, that student can and should be referred to a more restricitve learning environment for their protection and the protection of others. In this case, the school has said the student has no such record – even though he does! Only written documentation will change that. That is where the courage comes in…
I applaud you all for continuing to stand up for yourselves and the rights of all of the other teachers and students at this school and any school. The comment on your blog that you have shred here is a pathetic attempt at making you feel like you are doing something wrong. Anyone knows that changes take small steps, and by starting where you are and rallying support maybe the next move will be to lobby Albany and the U.S. Government. A “least restrictive enviornment” does not give anyone the permission to attack someone from out of nowhere and allow them to force themselves on you in a sexual manner as they place their hands under your clothing because they are stronger than you are and filled with intent to harm. How about an invitation to the writer of that commentary to be in an empty room and have someone charge you unknowingly and be given no time to prepare for a SEXUAL ASSAULT. Then maybe that coward could know what REALLY happened and what is not happening that is good enough to protect everyone who comes into contact with the student who was charged and arrested for this crime. I hope the reporter you meet with takes every bit of information you have and others who you don’t even know well have shared with you and blows this up into what it needs to be. I am disgusted that someone can write such a naive comment stating that there is misinformation, and intimating that this was not gruesome. This blog indeed serves a purpose, it is your right and I certainly do not hope nor do I believe you will remove your post as I know you are not a coward.
Hi Kim – and thank you. The reporter is holding on the story right now because the school superintendent could or would say nothing about changes that have been made since the assault went down “probably because there have been none”. I do hope that the reporter “and others” continue to look into this and to speak up before it happens again. I have said before that anyone who wants more information can contact me – we really have no other agenda than to try to keep others safe…
i could not be more proud of Suzanne for stepping up and helping to protect the students and teachers of this school district from more attacks, harassment, and ignorance. I hope the reporter has the courage to publish the story. I hope the superintendent has the courage to confront his or her denial. I hope the parents of the attacker come to the realization that their son is mentally ill and is in need of help outside the confines of a special ed classroom.
To the offensive unnamed person who wrote the above comment: if this was you sister, your mother, your wife, your daughter…perhaps you would feel differently. Perhaps you would question why the school district continues to hide the facts. Perhaps you would question why this student’s parents are in denial of the real danger this student is capable of. And with regard to your obnoxious assertion that perhaps the victim only substitutes because she is not capable of interacting with students appropriately, I would mention that if there had been documentation about this students other offenses, perhaps the outcome of this tragedy would have been different. Perhaps she would have known to never be alone with him. Shame on you for not leaving your name. you’re as much a coward
as the members of this school distract who are not facing the facts head on.
Brian, I hope your wife continues to stand tall.
Ellen – thanks for your supportive words and rational thoughts. It has been so healing for us to just hear from intelligent people who say “of course that’s not right!” We have gotten a first hand look at how people “usually in positions of power,” often blame the vicitims and try to shame them or scare them into silence. Unfortunately for this school district, it is not working with us. We have gone beyond fear into anger into rage and now I would say we settled into outrage! Hopefully others will join us in seeing how outrageous this dangerous mess is and take action! Thanks again!
I have contacted the NYS special ed dept. in albany and hope that anyone else whom reads this does the same. NO child should treat an adult or any other student in this manner. It is not their right to do this!!!! People higher than the school need to be contacted! Swamp them!! This is not right!
Jennifer was kind enough to supply me with the email for the special education dept. I hope people do contact them to find out if the school’s hands are really “tied” in this matter as the people in charge have said.
Here it is:
speced@mail.nysed.gov
I wanted to add to what Ellen said regarding the “obnoxious assertion that perhaps the victim only substitutes because she is not capable of interacting with students appropriately.” Many of the substitutes who work in schools are trained education professionals, and I think it would be more than appropriate to say that Suzanne was and is a qualified educator with experience and talent in the classroom. The school district indeed has the right to protect each person who works in their schools. There should have been warning regarding this student’s history and dangerous past behavior to all staff and ESPECIALLY substitutes and short term aides because they have no prior knowledge coming into a situation like this. Additionally, I would like to know why this student did not have a one on one professional with him on a constant basis- even while visiting the restroom, empty hallways, stairwells, etc. Just imagine what he would be capable of with a fellow student in any of those unprotected areas of a school. I too will contact Albany. The post by that cowardly individual disgusts me. I wait for this entire story to saturate the Corinth, N.Y. school district community in the hopes that some parents and educators follow through and demand what is right and demand a safe environment for all to work and learn.
Good questions, Kim!
To the Ignorant, ill-informed anonymous supporter of the school administrators,
As a close friend of the victim, I AM aware of what happened to her and I promise that if you knew the level of perversion and violence that was surprisingly forced on her, by this student, that day, you would be ashamed of your ignorant comments. You would also be ashamed of administrators of this school for not insisting that because of this and other attacks, and acts of perversion on the part of this student, that he be given his education in another setting where he cannot infringe upon the safety of staff and students as they exercise THEIR legal rights to a safe, unrestrictive education.
I HAVE a degree in Special Education and my sister is mentally challenged and has been in the special ed. System her whole life. I know the law and can tell you with confidence that if what I’ve heard of this boy is true, he is dangerous and should not be educated without 100% supervision at all times by someone physically stronger than he is. As an educator, if my administrators knew of a dangerous student of this size and caliber, and did as little to protect me as a teacher or to protect the students I teach, I would be ashamed of them.
Do your own research ask around. I bet his full-time aide is some older woman who couldn’t win him in a thumb wrestle let alone pull him off of another male student while choking him in the hallway. Or maybe because she’s female she can’t enter the boys bathroom with him and when he’s in there he sneaks out and into the girls locker room and is later caught sniffing a girls panties? Hmmm the details of my “scenarios” are quite vivid, aren’t they?
Your lack of information on this issue, and your obvious connection to the student have caused you to say very hurtful and ignorant statements about my friend. This attack was so horrific, she hasn’t been able find her voice for a year! I don’t wish what happened to her on anyone. She is standing up now to inform others that not enough is being done to protect children. For that, she should be applauded.
Thanks Jen – excellent points!
It is very easy to rant about something that shakes your core and hits close to home via the internet. Especially when there is spellcheck and anonymity. Ignorance is bliss and that woman is a coward. If half of the tax paying public knew of the daily injustices that occured in public education, let alone the horrific sexual assault your wife endured, then maybe we could have an honest discussion about change. This will not occur when folks continue to point fingers, lay blame and hide behind fear and anonymity.
Hi Jennifer – Excellent points. It is definitely time for some changes!