Why is it so easy to put someone else down? What is it about gossip, negative stories, and character assassination that draws us in as human beings? Lately, there has been much talk and coverage of young people who have been the objects of ridicule and who have harmed themselves or others because of it. Why is that going on? Why haven’t we gotten beyond that yet? And what can we do to help out our young people?I have been working with the local school district lately on issues of bullying. In this day and age it falls under the bigger heading of “character education.” My question, and my concern is that in an age when we are supposed to be “three clicks” of a mouse away from any imaginable information, why is this behavior continuing? Why don’t the incredible advancements we have made technologically lead us towards a more peaceful and tolerant society?
At the risk of sounding like the “grumpy old man” that I vowed I would never become – I am concerned about the pool of candidates for role models that my kids are being offered in the media. I know, I know – my grandparents most likely said the same thing about Elvis Presley and The Beatles, but when it comes to looking at current celebrities that model good character, they situation appears quite dim. Beyond that, the majority of current offerings on t.v. and in many movies is proof that the media is quickly approaching a tipping point where anything and everything is truly allowed. I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who turns on a show at 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. and find myself asking “Did I really just hear that? Did I really just see that?” Much of the content on the major networks is in direct contrast to what we in the education and counseling fields often call “core character traits.” These include things like: honesty, kindness, appreciation, empathy, and trying one’s best.
Before I completely break my own rule of not finger pointing, blaming, or demonizing certain people or practices, let me tell you where I am heading with this. We, as parents, need to shut these shows off. We also need to stop going to the movies that give messages that feed the fires of bigotry, bullying, and hate. We need to stop buying the magazines whose sole purpose is to destroy people by making up stories and showing pictures that portray negative, and often fictional “think photo shop,” images. We need, in essence, to do what any successful small group of intelligent people has done in the past – we need to stop settling for what is and to demand something better. And we need to do this by not filling the pockets of the people in the media producing what is unacceptable.
Even as I write this, it seems extreme. Why is that? Often I hear that Hollywood is only showing a reflection of what is really going on. I don’t buy it. I believe that Hollywood is showing a reflection that they feel will be bought by targeted groups of consumers. It’s that simple. And the “target group” happens to be our youth in many cases. I think that if a “normal” life – a life without the use of drugs, alcohol, casual sexual relationships, addictive behaviors, and random violence was truly dreadfully boring, I might agree with the movie, t.v., and magazine executives that nobody could possibly sit through one half hour of the story – let alone two hours. But that is not the truth. In fact, I have seen some very good movies that would have been better, not worse, if they had left out the gratuitous use of illegal substances, or the scene about a sexual encounter with a stranger. It simply wasn’t needed. If you are still unsure about whether most movies and t.v. shows are trying to show an accurate description of reality, take the following challenge that I often make to adolescents that I am counseling: name one movie of t.v. show that makes a point of showing the dangers of marijuana use. Just name one. If the first one to come to mind is Reefer Madness, well done. Now try to think of one that has been made since 1936. If you can think of a movie or show that accurately portrays the dangers of marijuana use, please email me with it. My current list is quite short. And just for the record – the number one drug that adolescents become addicted to “yes, it is considered addictive according to the American Medical Association,” is marijuana.
Back to the idea of bullying before I step off the soap box. When it comes to stories about the underdog, Hollywood does have some good stories. I think that the idea of a person or a group of people who are able to overcome adversity and succeed speaks to us at a basic level. I think that is part of our essence, our souls, that connects with people who are hurting in some way and wants to help them out. To deny that would be to deny our basic humanity. The trouble I often see is that the accomplishment that these “outcasts” make is to become accepted by the “in crowd” by changing something about themselves that was essentially wrong to begin with. Think about Sandy’s triumphant “reveal” at the end of the movie Grease. Not only is she dressed head to toe in leather, but she is wearing 12 inch heels, a new hair style, and the crowning achievement – she is smoking a cigarette! She has made it. She is in. For those of you too young to remember Grease, I apologize, but it is the first movie that came to mind, and I think it summarizes the theme I am looking for – namely that Sandy changed what was “wrong” about her i.e. she was too interested in grades and being herself, and she conformed to what was popular and acceptable i.e. smoking cigarettes, having a criminal for a boyfriend, and pretending she is someone else. Another movie that achieved a cult – type following was Risky Business. This movie was, in fact, mentioned in a more recent movie “The Social Network,” as a way of showing what all of the “cool” kids are doing at college. At it’s base, the story is the same. A social outcast gains popularity through assimilation with the herd. Along the way, drug use, glamorized casual sex “including prostitution,” and don’t forget the cigarettes. These messages continue to sell, but are they a real reflection on reality for today’s young people? Do the people making these movies and shows really care, as long as people spend money on them?
O.K. I’ll stop now, having not really made as much of a point as I hoped to. Maybe the point is that we adults need to be take responsibility for what our kids are watching, and the messages they are receiving form the media. Maybe the point is that we have to become the true role models through our words and actions because without this modeling, our young people will emulate people and behaviors that are not in line with our core values. Maybe the point is that we need to turn off those shows, and movies, and stop buying those magazines that are, in truth, trash. We need to demand changes. We need to ask and keep asking for something better. Something that really reflects our values, and our potential to have a society in which peace, tolerance, and love are the social norm. What can you do? Over the next week, make an effort to look at the messages coming into your home through the magazines you buy, and the shows and movies you and your family are watching. Look for the messages being given, and ask yourself if you agree or disagree. Then talk about these messages as a family. Decide what will be allowed and what will not based on your values and beliefs. It really is that simple…
Remember ALL ARE HUMAN and ALL have character defects – “PROGRESS NOT PRFECTION”!
you know where to contact me. Dude i like your train of thought but i might have to talk to you – i’d say UP In Smoke although funny isn’t a great advert for Mary Jane, same as Trainspotting although funny is also bleak and anyone who’s converted to smack by watching this is beyond help and yet the same argument is given re that. TV and it’s apparent ability to corrupt can be heavilly influencial but if you spend so called quality time with your kids watching TV and fail to explain it’s context then I can see the point of your “Elderley” rant – you just pigeon holed yourself he he – buffoonery at its best. Am i playing the advocate of the necromancer or what?
As an educator I am appalled at some of the language some of my students (kindergarten through 4th grade) use and the behaviors they feel are appropriate. I was raised on PBS and I can tell the kids who have such an influence immediately. Some parents seem to find it hard to censor what their children are exposed to. In many situations I don’t agree with censorship, but in this situation I think it is very important. Just because things are in the media doesn’t not mean there are no choices, though. Teaching kids how to be critical thinkers and how to weed out the junk are important life skills they can use from an early age. I am quite open-minded and for adults some things are appropriate, but there are things I see/hear that I think are over the top.
Good topic, BFarr.