I really enjoy some of the writing and ironic humor in The Simpsons. One of my favorite episodes is from Season 11 and is titled “Days of Wine and D’oh’ses”. It focuses on Barney Gumble, who is well-known for his blatant abuse of alcohol on the show, and how he has decided to quit drinking for good after viewing a particularly embarrassing video of himself while intoxicated. Barney’s life gets better in many ways when he gets sober; he looks “and smells” better, he starts to attend Alcoholics Anonymous and makes some sober friends there, and he decides to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a helicopter pilot. Things are really looking up and coming together for him.
But there is one thing continually getting in Barney’s way during the show. Homer does not like any of the changes he sees in his friend. He accuses Barney of being “too good for everyone” now, and continually tries to make him feel guilty about leaving Homer and the rest of the crew that frequent Moe’s Tavern. He tries to tempt Barney back to Moe’s by telling him that they have improved the quality of pretzels at the bar, and that Moe has even hung up newspaper articles to read while standing at the urinals “it’s very la-de-da now” promises Homer!
It’s funny stuff. I’ve shown the episode many times over the years to clients who, like Barney, are in early sobriety, and the reactions are always the same; most of them have a “Homer” in their own lives who seems to be unhappy about the changes they are making to stay sober now. There is usually at least one person in everyone’s life who echoes the “you’re too good for us now” message to people who have quit drinking.
I have dealt with this issue many times in my own recovery, and I would like to say that it doesn’t surprise or bother me anymore, but that would be a lie. Recently I wrote an editorial about how Saratoga should consider the damage it invites to town when performers like Phish play at SPAC, and over 700 people “I’m assuming most were fans of the band,” checked out my Twitter link to the article. They did not seem to like my thoughts on the issue. Most of the comments that were left had to do with me being “holier than thou,” which had nothing to do with the content of the article nor was it ever my intent. I was simply trying to point out that making some money might not be worth the dangers that come along with these shows. Here is the link:
http://www.saratogian.com/opinion/20140727/letters-to-the-editor-for-sunday-july-27-2014
My friend Langdon and I recently launched a website focusing on the questionable tactics that alcohol companies use to sell their product, which is a drug, and have received some similar vibes from people. But we’re not trying to take any high moral ground in our efforts, we just want to point out what is going on, and how these companies are aiming their ads and questionable tactics at “target audiences” to sell one of the most problematic drugs in our society. And that a huge “target audience” for the alcohol industry is our kids. We are discussing what these companies are doing, to help people see it and recognize it, and possibly to make some changes in how the industry sells this drug. Here is a link to our site:
I expected that some people would not want to hear it. I’m quite used to that as a counselor and a person in recovery. I have seen many people who have already gotten into substantial trouble from drinking who really do not want to hear that they should stop, even if they are in treatment for it, and have health issues from it, or are on probation, or losing a marriage, or unemployed, etc.. I have also had many people contact me personally, outside of my job, and ask for help and advice about their drinking problems, but of all these people I only know a few who have maintained their sobriety after reaching out to me for advice and support. So I know and expect that some people just do not want to hear about it. And that is fine. I have accepted it. And I plan to just keep talking and writing and living the sober life anyway.
But I want to make clear that I’m not doing this work or living this drug free life because I think that abstinence makes me any better, or holier, or smarter, or successful than people who drink. I have plenty of issues, and problems, and character defects. Just ask my wife and family, they’ll be glad to share them with you! I also know that some people can drink without problems. And I know many who do. My hope is to engage in discussions and to get anyone who is willing to think about and acknowledge that alcohol is a drug, and to consider when the use of it might become problematic – especially if you have kids around. But I’m doing this because I think it’s really important, and because I see the negative impact every day on people who never considered these things, or never had the discussion with their parents, or ended up like me, convinced they would never get through this life without having a drink or two now and then. And I really hated being in that place, and believing that lie.
I understand that people who are no longer drinking can make others uncomfortable. So can people who are suffering from other illnesses, or people who recently had a major change or loss in their lives. It can be hard to know what to say in those situations, and you may miss them if they are currently adjusting to these changes and trying to make healthy choices to get through and get on with their lives. In my experience, I most appreciated the people who simply said “good for you,” or more bluntly “thank God you quit – you were a mess!” That was the encouragement and honesty I needed to stay sober. To stay safe. To stay alive.
And I guess that’s my point here. If you know someone who has decided to stop drinking, or to stop using drugs, or to stop any behavior that they think is damaging their lives, I encourage you to support them. Tell them you are glad they are doing it. Or that you are happy for them. Or just that you are there for them. Try not to let their change become the proverbial elephant in the room. I would bet that they are already very uncomfortable, and maybe they don’t really know what to say or how to act yet. I will guarantee you that they have not gotten sober to climb up on a golden balcony and judge everyone else who is continuing the behaviors that they have stopped. It is not about that. It’s about trying to stay healthy and alive and to become the people they were meant to be in this lifetime, which I think is a good goal for all of us…
Another great article, Brian. You put things so clearly and reasonably.
I’m sure the small boy who first said “the emperor has no clothes on ” was also said to be a “party poop”. However, the emperor had no clothes on! All you have to do is read the paper to pick out most incidents of abuse, accidents, and crime involve alcohol or other drugs. Your point that alcohol IS A DRUG. needs constant press, however uncomfortable it makes people. I agree that young people need to hear this message from responsible adults in their lives. These are the people they will model themselves after. I have become much more aware of the advertising message since you brought it up, and it does equate alcohol with fun and pretty, partying people. Keep your message coming Brian. Even if it helps one person it is worth it. God bless!
Great points! I love the name of their brew – DUFF. Can’t get enough of that wonderful Duff! Simpsons are a great metaphor into our lives.