In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey tells the story of a woman who is rushing to catch her airplane. She woke up late, threw herself together, and dashed for the airport. Once she is checked in and headed for the correct gate, she realizes how hungry she is and stops quickly at an airport store and buys a package of cookies. She then gets to her plane “she is the last to board,” and takes the only available seat.
Her mind is racing. She reviews the morning and hopes that she packed everything she needs. She thinks about her destination and all that she will need to do once she gets there. She thinks about her work, her deadlines, her busy life. She then looks down and sees the cookies. She opens the package, takes a cookie out, and sets the package on the seat next to her. No sooner has she put the cookie in her mouth than the man next to her, whom she has barely noticed up until now, reaches down, takes a cookie, smiles at the woman, and pops it in his mouth!
She can’t believe her eyes! Of all the people on the plane, she had to sit next to this guy! But hasn’t that always been her luck? Doesn’t she seem to attract the weird people, like moths to a flame? She moves the package of cookies, being as subtle as she can, as close to her as she can given the tight airline seating. She then takes another cookie out and begins to eat it. Sure enough, the man next to her takes a cookie, pauses again to smile at her, and pops it in his mouth! The woman is livid! She cannot believe the arrogance, disrespect, and rudeness of some people.
The pattern of cookie eating continues. Each time she takes a cookie, the man soon follows. He pauses each time to smile at her before popping it in his mouth. As the plane nears its destination, she looks down at the package and sees there is one cookie left. Obviously the man has noticed this as well, because he reaches down, takes it, breaks it in two, and offers the woman half of the final cookie. He smiles at her as he holds her half out. “Oh, thank you!” She manages to say before taking the half and eating it. She hopes he heard the sarcasm in her voice, and she vows to write a letter to the airline about the type of people they are allowing on their flights.
After the plane lands, she rushes off to find the baggage claim. On the way, she begins to rummage around in her purse to locate her baggage claim slip. She suddenly stops walking. Her eyes widen. She pulls out her package of cookies from the purse – unopened. The woman’s face reddens as she realizes that she had been eating the man’s cookies the whole time, and that he had generously and with a kind heart given them to her, even splitting the last one in half!
Covey uses this story to describe how often human beings think they have a situation figured out, when in fact we have it all wrong. He uses the term “paradigm shift” to describe a change in human perspective and understanding that will only come from gathering information in a situation before we react. I love this story, because I cannot count all the times I was sure someone was “eating my cookies,” only to find out that my perspective, or paradigm, was wrong. I am, by nature, impulsive. I often trust my initial feelings about a situation, or person, or decision, without taking the time to investigate all the facts. This character trait can be helpful, and I have often prided myself on the fact that in any situation, I will be the one to “do something,” but sometimes the something I do creates more problems than if I had slowed down my reactions and investigated both the situation and all the options, before making a decision.
The idea of slowing down our reactions is nothing new. I am reminded of the old adage “look before you leap.” How often do you find yourself in a situation, or making up your mind on an issue before investigating all of the facts? One of the wonderful things about the advances in technology is that we are always a few “clicks” away from finding out information about – well, about anything and everything. There are really no excuses anymore to not be an educated consumer. Access to the Internet has allowed all of us a very level playing field when it comes to being informed. My wife is a master at this. If we are going to make a purchase, or take a trip, or if we encounter a strange looking insect, she transforms into “Web Woman – defender of our money, time, and family!” Within minutes, my wife is able to find discounts, coupons, tax rebates, short cuts, consumer ratings, and valuble information about how to rid our house of the evil species Daddius Longlegus without using chemicals that might kill us all! She has learned the power of looking before she leaps, and she has taken it to the super hero level! There are times now when we go shopping, and the cashier ends up giving us money back! My wife is ready, willing, and able to change her paradigms about any topic based on the information she finds, and she uses this information to make informed and wise decisions.
Another old saying I am reminded of involving this idea is what we make of ourselves and others when we “assume”. Aren’t assumptions often based on feelings rather than investigation into the facts? I know that I make daily judgements on others and on situations based solely on how I am feeling at that moment and on what I perceive. Too often I judge the messenger before investigating the message. In a logic 101 class way back in college, I learned that this is known as the “Genetic Fallacy”. When I shut myself off to any information because of the source it came from, I am not only being illogical, but I am denying myself from information that may be useful in some way. As an addictions counselor, I often state this principle in another way: Let’s say I am talking to a group and a person stumbles through the door who is obviously under the influence of a substance. This person smells like alcohol and is carrying a brown bag which contains a bottle of vodka. The person stops, looks around the room, and starts to talk in a loud, slurred voice:
“You people are doing a good thing staying away from alcohol and drugs! This stuff can ruin your life, your health, and kill you! Take my advice – quit now!”
The person then stumbles back out of the room and leaves. Do we judge the information that we heard based on its source? Obviously this person is not following his own advice. Does that make him a hypocrite? Or a liar? Do we look at the source and say “Well, for him that might be true, but in my case it’s different.” Or do we take the message, review the words, the meaning, and then become willing to open ourselves and our paradigms up to new understanding and possibly healthier habits in our own lives?
Unfortunately, many messages get lost, or blocked, or rejected, or manipulated because of our assumptions, preconceptions, and paradigms about their source, about the messenger who delivers them. If you continue to doubt this principle, just think about the great number of religious and spiritual texts that have been used throughout history to justify wars, prejudice, hate crimes, and judgement of others who are percieved as “different.” Do you have a paradigm, a perception, or an opinion of these texts even if you have never read them or taken the time to learn about the spiritual principles they support? Do you formulate your thoughts and actions based on public opinion of these books and practices, or on the actions of those who have manipulated information to support their own cause? Are you convinced that someone or something is out their waiting to eat your cookies?
Just for today, I want to encourage you to challenge old paradigms. Be slow to judge and react to information, people and situations that arise. Take the time to evaluate, research, and formulate actions based on truth rather than on emotion, the source of the information, public opinion, or the myriad of other influences that can distort and influence your perceptions. You may just find many packages of cookies you have been holding on to for a long time.
Leave a Reply