To me, a Christmas tree has always been a sacred spot. I am the first one to turn on the tree’s lights every morning, and I enjoy sitting quietly and looking at the tree during this time of year. It brings me peace. And serenity. And something else. Hope? Love? Peace of mind? Something. The tree has always had this effect on me. It would be more accurate to say “a tree,” because all Christmas trees seem to have this power. Ever since I was young, I have been drawn in by this power. And it hasn’t really mattered whether the tree was artificial or not. It is more than that. I was thinking about this recently while sitting near our tree one quiet morning.
Maybe it’s the memories, the passage of another year that holds the power. I don’t think anyone can help to decorate a tree and not have at least a moment of reflection on the passage of time. For me, the decorations themselves are a testament to our brief time on this planet and how quickly that time goes. We have decorations that were made in kindergarten and first grade by our girls – where did that time go? We have a few decorations with pictures of our kids and their cousins when they were younger – that seems so long ago. We also have a few decorations honoring loyal pets and times in our lives that have passed on, that were here with us for what seemed a long, joyful, smiling while, and then they were gone. In hindsight, these times together were like the blink of an eye, the turning of a calendar page. We also have a tradition of collecting Christmas decorations from our various trips and vacations dating back to when my wife and I were dating. Seeing those decorations on the tree is like turning through the pages of an old scrapbook filled with wonderful, romantic and adventurous highlights of our time together.
The tree’s allure is more than just the decorations, though. Something about the lights on the tree brings the magic to life. The reflection of those lights on our memories, our tokens, our humble and small contributions to the enormity of life seems to tie those past memories with a type of hope for the future. The message is clear and powerful: things will be O.K. There will be more good times, more laughter, more love, more times of celebration, and more Christmas trees. Life is going along as it should – as it does – as it always will. And for now, the tree and the lights offer a quiet place for reflection on all that has gone right in the past. So it seems right at this time of year to sit for awhile and soak it all in.
The tree also grows each year. Not in actually height, but in tradition. Last year I asked my Mom to dig out an old train set from her house so that we could set it up around the tree. When I say that the train is old, I mean it. It is a classic Lionel – the kind that runs from an electric transformer that plugs into the wall and hooks to the track with two wires. You can smell the mixture of time, metal and electric current as it hums to life, and it clatters along the tracks sending small sparks in all directions. My wife has discretely put our fire extinguisher near the train set under the tree. She may have even put a bow on it to fool visitors into thinking it is just another gift, but I know why it is there. My wife and my children were frightened of the train last year, and I thought for sure that it would remain in the back of our rather large Christmas item storage area this year “and for many years to come.” To my surprise, the kids asked about it as we were setting the tree up this year, they are having fun with it now, and each child has become an accomplished engineer. The ironic thing about the train set is that my father wanted it more than I did. It was the set he never got as a kid, and I’ll never forget the Christmas morning I was ushered into our basement for the “reveal”. Looking back, it must have taken him and his father most of Christmas Eve night to set the thing up. They had devoted a huge portion of the basement to it – it was laid out in all it’s glory on a 4 foot by 8 foot table entirely covered with green felt. They had meticulously anchored each track piece, and there were trees, tunnels, and a train station all lit up and ready for hours of fun. It was truly a labor of love. And I had absolutely no interest in the thing. I hadn’t asked for it. I didn’t want it. And I definitely was not going to hang out down in that musty, scary, troll infested basement and play with the thing all by myself. I was too young to understand the significance of my father’s gift. It was not just for him. It was a reaching out, an invitation to connect on some level – to have a father and son hobby together. In my memory, it was one of his biggest acts of love – and I was too young and too selfish to understand. At the time, it was just a weird gift that showed up in the basement that I didn’t want.
For some reason I held on to that train for all these years. I like seeing it around our tree now, and I’m glad that my kids enjoy playing with it. It is a new tradition that is mixed with some bittersweet memories. It reminds me of the importance of not being bratty when I don’t get the gifts I asked for; or worse yet, when I whine or complain about a gift just because I never asked for it. How spoiled I can be. A coworker of mine – another addictions counselor, likes to say: “Some gifts come really poorly wrapped,” and it took me awhile to figure out what he means by this statement. But it’s true. Some of the best gifts in my life have turned out to be things that I scoffed at, or rejected at first, that were wrapped in a strange or even ugly way when I first got them. They were not what I asked for. They were not what I wanted. But, in time, I saw that they were exactly what I needed.
The ancient philosopher and traveling minstral Mick Jagger touches on this same principle with his lyrics: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need….. yea, baby…… get what you need!” It loses something without being sung by Mr. Jagger, but I think you get the idea. Maybe that song should be the anthem for us all as we head into this holiday. Most of us really do get what we need if we try a little bit. Most of us can act spoiled when we don’t get what we wanted. Most of us could use some time sitting by our proverbial Christmas trees pondering these things, and remembering all the things, all the blessings, that have gone right in our lives over the last year, two years, five years, over the course of our short, wonderful lives and our brief stay in this world.
I truly wish each of you a wonderful holiday, filled with gratitude, joy, and good health this year. I also hope that you all take the time for some quiet contemplation about what has gone right and the great gift your life has been so far. If you’re having trouble, go look for a Christmas tree to sit near…
Thanks Brian! I really enjoyed the blog this week. I hope you are able to accept all the “ugly” gifts we recieve this upcoming year and see that just cause its “wrapped ugly” it is probably going to be the best gift ever. Merry Christmas!
Nice blog, Brian. It’s very sad to drive around the week after Christmas and see discarded trees by the side of the road with bits of tinsel clinging on the branches. I like to think the tinsel represents the trees’ happy tears for being able to bring so much joy for a short period of time. Sappy? You bet, buts it’s the season for sappyness, right? Thanks for another wonderful, inspirational blog!