The question I have this week is rather delicate, so I decided to just come out and ask it: As a parent, have you ever found yourself watching your child/children at play and thought “Wow, what they are doing right now is really not too intelligent?” Not that the behavior is necessarily dangerous, although it may be in some instances. You might just witness something that makes you question the “common sense” gene in your family’s lineage. To take it a step further, have you ever questioned certain behaviors you see more than once? Perhaps several times? In one day? In an hour? If so, don’t fret. I think that this phenomena is normal, and common, and the behaviors may in fact be a sign of higher intelligence. At least, I pray to God and the heavens above that it is.
Summer is a wonderful time for all parents to connect and communicate and get to know their children more. I am truly amazed at how quickly they grow. I always heard “grown ups” talk about how much I had grown in the space of two summers when I was a kid, and now I am the grown up saying it to these long, lanky sun tanned kids whom I remember crawling around in diapers. They change so quickly, and in doing so, I often forget that the physical growth is not always an accurate measure of their understanding about the world around them. Therefore, when I see my children engaged in an activity that seems, to put it mildly, moronic in nature, I am frequently surprised and disturbed. The moment soon passes when I am able to recall the countless things I have done, said, or tried in my lifetime that caused my parents, relatives, or those around me to slowly shake their heads while giving me a look of utter and complete bewilderment.
Here are a few examples: After receiving an electric train set as a gift, I decided to do my own experiments with electricity. I found an old string of Christmas lights with the plug missing. I then wrapped the two bare wires around each other and shoved them into the wall socket. The result was a large “popping” sound, followed by a cloud of electrical smoke and the loss of power in the room “and a good portion of the rest of the house”. Another time, my friends and I decided to assist the neighbor with what seemed to be a very cool excavation project in their back yard. We went running over to the rather large hole in the back yard to see how we might help. Unfortunately, my desire to be the first one there to help caused me to stumble and fall directly into the hole. Only then did I learn that the hole had been dug to replace a rather leaky and foul smelling septic system. My mother’s look when I arrived back at our door after climbing out of the cesspool said it all: “My kid is as dumb as paint. It must run on his father’s side.” I was to see that expression several times during my formative years, along with the squinty –eyed look of complete incomprehension that my father would have when he found out about some antic or another. He was the one who found me and a few other friends, perched high in a tree, umbrellas in hand, ready to leap down and float upon the winds to distant lands like Mary Poppins had in the movie we had recently viewed at the Drive In Theatre. Most of the umbrellas in my house were stored in very high places after that incident.
And these are the stories that I need to remember when I find my children doing something that defies logic or any good sense now. I fear that if I peered into a mirror during these times I would be staring at the same befuddled squinty eyed gaze of my father when he found me in similar situations. I believe that kids need to experiment, and explore, and test out their theories and inventions about the world around them. In my work with gifted children, I have often seen these behaviors lead to increased self confidence and a better understanding of scientific and mathematical concepts. I believe in the power of self exploration and hands on learning in these areas. In the world of technology and computer skills, continual inquiry and simply trying out new things until you learn how they work seems to be the best way to navigate new environments. So I get it. I am a believer in giving young people the chance to try, and learn, and even to fail at new things by themselves because all of these experiences will help them. I just don’t want my kids to seriously injure themselves, or any innocent bystanders, or to burn down our house in the process of acquiring knowledge about the ways that something does or does not work.
Not that long ago, they asked me to be part of an experiment they were conducting in our back yard. Being the good father and good sport I occasionally am, I happily went along with it. The trepidation set in when they required me to wear a blind fold. I then was instructed to back up, slowly, with both of my children – my beloved children – guiding me as I walked backwards towards what I knew was the sandy area under their swing set. Luckily for me, my mind suddenly recalled the request that they had made earlier that day for two shovels. I also remembered that they had gone, shovels in hand, to the swing set area and had also been carrying a long jump rope with them. I stopped moving backwards and turned around and peeked out from behind the blindfold. My children – the beloved ones – whom I love more than life itself – were leading me back wards to a “trip wire” of sorts that they had made with the jump rope. It was tied at ankle height, and just beyond it was a large hole for me to fall backwards into that they had dug in the sand under the swing set. The most astounding part to me about this whole scenario was not that they had devised the thing “it was actually pretty clever,” but that they did not realize that it just might injure me, or at least cause extreme discomfort to another victim that was lured to the trap. Their expressions were portraits of naiveté and innocence as I explained “or rather ranted” about the various long term problems to life and limb that they could have caused with their clever trap. And this is just one example – there have been countless others.
Great minds throughout history have tried and failed. Many of the best thinkers and inventors in our world were, at one time, laughed at, teased, and called various names for daring to say, and do, and try new things out. Remember that it really wasn’t that long ago when the most renowned minds agreed that the earth was flat and that the sun was moving around it. I have never heard this concept stated more clearly than it was by that great philosopher and fictional character David St. Hubins in the movie “This is Spinal Tap”. As David so eloquently puts it: “It’s such a fine line between stupid, and clever”. Unfortunately for him and the other band members, they can never seem to make it to the “clever” side of that line. And that is my hope for my own kids – that what I might perceive as odd, or illogical, or peculiar, “O.K. I’ll stop the sugar coating” – or just plain stupid behavior is really the most clever thinking that will some day transform the world in a colossally significant way. And I will continue to chose to think this way the next time I am faced with the “fine line” of my kid’s behavior and I look in the mirror and see my father’s confused visage staring back. I don’t think I will have to wait long. Until then, I will just hold out hope that all of our children will live, and laugh, and learn while keeping themselves and those around them in one piece…
I also remember opening the closet door, to find you , pad and pencil in hand, spying on (this part I never understood) something. Not to mention going to wear my good leather gloves and finding the fingers cut out of them when you were in your “Michael Jackson” phase.
I have come to accept that this in reality came from my side of the family. Good thing I moved from Brooklyn. Not too many people to tell you my youthful “experiments”!